Sunday, March 27, 2011

nearly there


a warm spring day until
a rainstorm
came out of nowhere
hammered its raindrops down
like iron nails splattering
on my face
stinging
as if they're strong
enough to dint my bike.

i turn the corner
skidding slightly
water spins from my wheels
the odor of wet asphalt
and vegetation fills my nostrils
sodden shirt clings to my limbs
as I fight to keep out
of the drainage ditch.

clench my hands
around the handlebars
a brown UPS truck
hurtles toward me
not seeing me
not seeing me
(how can it not see me)
i swerve off the road
splash into the ditch
feel a rush of air as the trunk passes
centimeters away.

the drainage ditch licks at my knees
sucking wetly
i wrench my bike out of a mire
of gum wrappers and coke cans
wipe the rain beads from my eyelashes
heave my bike back onto the road
at the end of the lane I can see my house
red bricks blurred by sheets of rain
'i'm nearly there'
i force myself on
nearly there
nearly there...




21 comments:

  1. this is so beautiful,
    love your words, stunning imagery.

    A++

    welcome!

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  2. "the drainage ditch licks at my knees
    sucking wetly"
    eww and wow!

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  3. Very eloquent writing. I love how you made it come alive.

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  4. whew----close call! Nice write!

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  5. Great expression to tell a great story! Enjoyed the read!

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  6. This is gorgeous and seemingly effortless.
    My Blog

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  7. Elegant and effortless. A cut above.

    Love your "About" as well.

    Poem on. Delighted that you have joined us at Potluck.

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  8. well done!great writing here!thank you for sharing!

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  9. Gripping tale, great descriptions, at a guess from personal experience.

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  10. Riveting! My heart is pounding. As a mother, this is always a worry! Very well written...on my seat the whole read! Glad you're okay! Love the slimy visuals!

    Hugs Giggles

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  11. a nice poem abi- thanks for sharing.. my potluck- http://fiveloaf.wordpress.com/2010/04/07/frozen-fears/

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  12. Good write! I was taken along on that ride....I loved the sensory prompts about the smell of the vegetation and how the rain felt...I remember being in a ditch much like that myself :) Very immediate and powerful language.

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  13. What a bike ride..your use of repetition in 'not seeing me' and 'nearly there' worked perfectly and made us feel the effort and distress that this journey created...great piece..Jae

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  14. I liked the story that was woven into it.

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  15. Stunning piece, explosive imagery... Beauty found within a rainy night.

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  16. Very well told story - quite gripping. I can sympathise with the biker. I was shunted from behind by a nurse in her car, ended up in a deep ditch with two broken ribs. I made it home, 5 miles, in the saddle - OUCH!

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  17. On the road towards home thy heart always tells 'Nearly there,nearly there':)Lovely!

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  18. Wow -- I can see you in this place.

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  19. Good poem/short story! I really liked the last lines.

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  20. Jingle-thank you for inviting me to the potluck!

    Evelyn-thanks for the visit. Yes, 'ew' indeed.

    Lisa- thanks for visiting again!

    Kathe W. - indeed it was! thanks for visiting!

    abthomas - glad you enjoyed it!

    Catherine - thank you so much!

    JamieDedes - thank you! I've always thought of reading as 'flying on paper wings'.

    lunawitch15-thank you for visiting!

    oldegg- thank you! It was not a personal experience, but I've had some that came close.

    Giggles- Thank you! It was not a personal experience, but I've come inches away from similar ones.

    fiveloaf- thank you- hope you enjoyed your visit!

    Cynthia- thank you! :)

    jaerose- yes! I'm so glad that the repetition worked!

    mingsinger- thank you, and thanks for visiting!

    Misty Kasumi*- thank you! I thought a poem was the best way to present it!

    Reflections- thank you very much- I love rainy nights, especially when I'm inside looking out at them!

    Old Altonian- This was not a personal experience- yours sounds quite painful!!

    Raksha Bhat- quite poetic- thank you!

    lizbethsgarden-thank you for the visit!

    Shena Tokala- yes, I wanted to show how focused the main character was on getting safely home.

    Thank you all for your wonderful comments!

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